Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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