I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
