I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
