Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
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I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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