i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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