Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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