i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
