On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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