You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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