Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
