Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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