it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
