it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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