I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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