just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
