Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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