yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
