My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
