Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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