and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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