he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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