The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
