Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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