Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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