I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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