Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ladies don't puke and tell
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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