his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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