Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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