bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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