So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
