so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
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He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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