I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
