if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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