Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
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Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
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wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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