She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
