i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
