I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
