Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
