youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
