dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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