fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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