so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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