and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
