just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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