He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
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i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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