Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
