Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
