so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
FUCK WHALES
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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