I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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