He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
