My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
