he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
