We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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