sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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