Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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