Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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