Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
