My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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