Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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