Your dad touched me again.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
