You really coming over, don't trick.
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
